Lego Scandal Starts A New War
September 16, 2009 6 Comments
Lego toys are becoming the cause of the biggest and most disgusting scandal ever since Britney Spears shaved her head and a worldwide political crisis seems inevitable. It all began when Danish Lego Corporation decided to release a collector’s edition box set of G8 member toys. The new toy not only had the decorations of the last G8 summit but also little legoman figures of the G8 leaders themselves. President of France Nicola Sarkozy was among the first people to stand in line and purchase the long expected toy. 20 minutes after the purchase Sarkozy went on National television and made the following comment: “This toy is an attempt to ridicule not just me as the President of France, but the entire French Nation. You can see that the toy has absolutely no trace of a penis, in other words these Danish bastards try to say that French men are all penisless, short, homosexual impotents”. In the heat of his speech Sarkozy unzipped his pants and proved to the world his possession of an organ resembling a penis. “Hey stupid Denmark! What do you think this is? A croissant?” added French leader.
Minutes after President’s address Paris’ most famous street Champs Elysees got paralyzed by an angry crowd with anti-Danish banners. Mob quickly reached what experts called 3 000 and headed towards the Danish Embassy where they started chanting “We have a penis” and “Not all French are totally gay”.
The Ambassador tried to calm the crowd down, explaining that Lego toys normally do not have any penises or a sexual orientation as such. He also stated his surprise with such violent reaction and pointed out that neither of other G8 members complained about lack of penises on toys. The moderately heterosexual French crowd remained somewhat adamant and demanded Denmark to resign its post as a country
German Chancellor Angela Merkel had a telephone conversation with Sarkozy trying to calm him down, but Sarkozy got only angrier when she said she’s OK with her toy not having any penis at all.
Meanwhile in Denmark Prime Minister Lars Løkke Rasmussen got so sick of the French bitching that he ordered Lego factory to start producing a slightly modified version of the toy. Our source at the toy factory says the new version still has a penisless Sarkozy, with an added anus. The new box also contains a bonus toy of terrorist Osama Bin Laden, this time equipped with a penis.
Nicola Sarkozy no longer hides his plans to attack Denmark and a military mobilization of French penised, non-gay men started this morning. Renowned sociologist Aharon Adibekyan predicts that there are at least 75-80 000 moderately heterosexual, penised men in France who will join the army to protect country’s dignity.
Al Qaeda already ordered 15 000 boxes of the new Lego toy and promised to forget old misunderstandings with Denmark and help them out when French aggression starts.