Exclusive Interview with Saakashvili

by Narek

Saakashvili: "Awsome to see you, guys"

Armenian Comedy (A.C.) team just returned from Tbilisi, Georgia, where we had an exclusive interview with Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili (M.S.), who in the recent week has been in the center of spotlight more than usually. Sharing a couple of beers and peanuts, Saakashvili got very sincere with Armenian journalists.

USAID-Armenia Launches New Comprehensive Anti-Asshole Program in Armenia

By Sergey

U.S. does not give up on democracy prospects in Armenia

 

 On Monday U.S. Embassy unveiled a new program that will help Armenian government in fight against assholes on grassroots level, as well as in government institutions. The new “Anti-asshole Action Project” (AAP) is sponsored by the United States Agency for International Development.

 USAID Mission Director introduced the new program: “Our new strategy is to combine all the anti-corruption, anti-trafficking and anti-fraud programs into a single comprehensive anti-asshole initiative to address Armenia’s main challenge in democratic development. This program is expected to help Armenia follow its international commitment to combat assholes.”

Turkey’s New Precondition: Sargsyan Must Attend Gul’s Birthday Party

No toasts for Gul

NOTE: See Armenian version below

by Sergey and Narek

Turkish side pushed out a new precondition for opening Turkish-Armenian border that quickly electrified the dispute between Armenia and the Diaspora. The new precondition demands Serzh Sargsyan to participate at Abdullah Gul’s 58^th birthday party. Celebration is expected to feature all the standard procedures: hugging, wishing well, birthday cards, gifts, drinking, candle-blowing and calling up a taxi.

Dashnaks were quick to respond by organizing a multi-dozen rally in front of the MFA. “This definitely is a trap for Armenia. We do not oppose birthday celebration, but we are concerned that toasts to Gul’s health are likely to be voiced at the table, which is unacceptable. This may go as far as to wishing for a long and happy life, which clearly contradicts to our National Interests.”

Թուրքիայի նոր նախապայմանը` Սարգսյանը պետք է մասնակցի Գյուլի ծննդյան տարեդարձին

No toasts for Gul

by Sergey and Narek

Հայաստան-Թուրքիա սահմանի բացման հարցում թուրքական կողմը առաջ է քաշել նոր նախապայման, ինչը թեժացրել է Հայաստանյան և Սփյուռքի հակազդեցությունը բացման գործարքին: Նոր նախապայմանը ենթադրում է Սերժ Սարգսյանի մասնակցությունւ Գյուլի` հոկտեմբերի 29-ին կայանալիք ծննդյան 58 ամյակին: Մասնակցությունն իր բոլոր համապատասխան պարագաներով, փոթաթվելով, բարեմախթանքներով, բացիկներով, նվերներով, խմելով և տաքսի կանչելով:

Դաշնակները արձագանքեցին միանգամից կազմակերպելով բազմատասնյակ ցույց ԱԳՆ-ի դիմաց: “Սա միանշանակ ծուղակ է հայկական կողմի համար: Որպես սկզբունք մենք դեմ չենք ծննդյան օրվան մասնակցությանը, բայց մեր մտավախությունն է, որ սեղանի շուրջ կխմեն Գյուլի առողջության կենացը, ինչը մեզ համար անընդունելի է: Գուցե և հնչեն կյանքի երկար տարիների մաղթանքներ, ինչը պարզապես հակասում է մեր ազգային շահերին:”

Council of Europe Pushes Minorities into Armenian Parliament

By Sergey

European envoyee explains the benefit of women drivers in parliament

Armenian parliament is to provide seats for minorities including Kurds, Russians, Yezdis, gays, women-drivers and idiots. The bill was prompted by special representative of European Council Silvia Zehe who reminded Armenian legislators of their commitments to Europe.

“If Armenia truly wants to be a part of Europe, you need to get your Parliament to represent all social groups of the society. The traffic signs and so-called zebras, for one thing, are not arranged in a cute, sparkly manner obviously due to under-representation of women drivers,” stated Zehe.

Thought of the Day

By Narek

You think they'll notice if I bite my tie just a lil' bit?

Georgia’s New Defense Minister Just turned 28

By Narek

Georgian President Mikheil Saakashvili appointed a new Defense Minister, Bacho Akhalaia, who is only 28-years-old. When asked what were the reasons for such choice, President Saakashvili answered: “I saw Bacho play Age of Empires II better than anyone I know”.

To journalists question whether being good in a computer strategy game qualifies the recent school graduate to lead the army of entire country President said “No you don’t get it. He’s really, REALLY good at the game. He defeats 8 enemy nations at VERY HARD setting, while I can only defeat 1-2 at VERY EASY setting”