Azeri Delegate to PACE Farts Amid Armenian Presentation

By Sergey

PACE session torpedoed by Azerbaijani delegate

 STRASBOURG, France – Unprecedented diplomatic scandal broke out early Monday, as head of the Azerbaijani delegation to European Council Samad Seyidov unexpectedly torpedoed speech by Armenian delegate Armen Rustamyan. Azerbaijani diplomat generated a dramatic fart just as the Armenian delegation was justifying the right of people of Nagorno-Karabakh for self-determination. Sources report unusual tension and concentration on Seyidov’s face for ten minutes prior to the unleashed inappropriateness.

Azerbaijan Celebrates 10,000th Threat to Attack Armenia

By Sergey

Aliev Performing Anniversary Threat

Azerbaijan, Baku - A festive ceremony involving President Ilham Aliev and key government officials featured a long-expected speech by leader of the country. A landmark threat to wipe out Armenian forces from Karabakh was attended by representatives of international organizations, embassies and reporters.

USAID-Armenia Launches New Comprehensive Anti-Asshole Program in Armenia

By Sergey

U.S. does not give up on democracy prospects in Armenia

 

 On Monday U.S. Embassy unveiled a new program that will help Armenian government in fight against assholes on grassroots level, as well as in government institutions. The new “Anti-asshole Action Project” (AAP) is sponsored by the United States Agency for International Development.

 USAID Mission Director introduced the new program: “Our new strategy is to combine all the anti-corruption, anti-trafficking and anti-fraud programs into a single comprehensive anti-asshole initiative to address Armenia’s main challenge in democratic development. This program is expected to help Armenia follow its international commitment to combat assholes.”

Azerbaijan Bans Apricots

By Narek

Aliyev Bans Prunus Armeniaca

Government of Azerbaijan finally decided to ban apricots on entire territory of the country. Yesterday evening President Ilham Aliyev addressed the population via television, interrupting the broadcast of everyone’s favorite historic documentary “Ahmed and Tofik Discover America”. Irritation of the viewers grew even more when the President uttered the following words: “Because of its distinctive Armenian, hence anti-Azeri origins, apricots also known as Prunus armeniaca will be banned for eternity”.

Aliyev underlined that capital punishment will be applied to anyone who consumes, stores, thinks, writes about or even paints apricots. As for the 32 tonnes of apricots remaining in the country at the given moment, they will be all collected by Ministry of National Security.